


How to marry Steve Rogers

by superangsty



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Don't worry, Fluff, I can't even with them anymore, M/M, Marriage Proposal, bruce is finding this all hilarious, bruce the bro, but he's not actually a bunny, i guess, i s2g, i'm not that weird, steve is a lovely little bunny, these two idiots, tony is a wonderful idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 22:21:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3827092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superangsty/pseuds/superangsty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I,” Tony said, striding into the lab “am going to marry Steve Rogers.”<br/>After a moment’s pause, Bruce replied with “Right. Minor problem – you two aren’t even dating.”</p><p>A guide on how to marry Steve Rogers by Tony Stark and Bruce Banner (but mostly Bruce Bannner)</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to marry Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [咱么结婚吧/How to Marry Steve Rogers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3879514) by [polarbonnie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/polarbonnie/pseuds/polarbonnie)



“I,” Tony said, striding into the lab “am going to marry Steve Rogers.”

After a moment’s pause, Bruce replied with “Right. Minor problem – you two aren’t even dating.”

Ah. Yes, Bruce was right. That would cause a tiiiiiiny bit of a problem. Nothing that Tony couldn’t handle, of course, but it would make everything just slightly more difficult. Although, in the whole two hours he had had the idea in his mind, this fact probably should have occurred to him at some point. Oh well, no reason to give up because of a minor thing like that. “Details, details. Whether or not we’re ‘dating’ is irrelevant. I want to marry Steve Rogers, therefore I am _going_ to marry Steve Rogers.”

“Can you even hear yourself, Tony? This idea is crazy. Possibly even crazier than the whole ‘hey, let’s create an artificial intelligence that wants to kill us all’ idea.”

“I thought we agreed to never speak of that again. And this isn’t crazy, not at all. It’s a very good, very carefully thought out plan.”

“Carefully thought out? I swear to God, Stark, if you’re using that stupid meme again…”

However, if Bruce was going to say anything else, he didn’t get the chance, because Tony cut him off by handing him a list. Well, not so much ‘handing it to him’, more like ‘forcing it upon him’, but still.

**_Tony Stark’s wonderful awesome plan on how to marry Steve Rogers:_ **

**_Step 1)_ ** _Marry Steve Rogers_

**_Step 2)_ ** _???_

**_Step 3)_ ** _Profit_

Having read the list, Bruce suddenly (and quite unexpectedly) burst out laughing, clapping a hand to Tony’s shoulder. “Oh man,” He said, pausing to allow for another fit of laughter “for a second there I thought you were actually serious.”

In hindsight, Tony reckoned, he probably shouldn’t have used the meme when writing the list, because he could see why people might think that he was joking. But really, he thought Bruce would know better than that. “But I _am_ serious.” He even added his most sincere face, the one he normally saved for convincing his shareholders that no, he was _not_ wasting their money on ‘building toys’, as they so elegantly put it.

Bruce must have understood, because he quickly stifled his laughter, his expression once again returning to its usual calm state. “You really want to do this?”

“Yes, I really do.”

“Okay, well then I hate to break this to you, but you’re going to need my help planning.”

 

~***~

 

**Step 1) Eliminate any opposition**

_“Tony, you don’t have any opposition-”_

_“-Natasha.”_

_“-, and even if you did, you can’t just go around_ eliminating _people. Also, just by the way, Natasha and Steve are just friends.”_

_“Yeah, okay, I suppose trust you on that one. What about Sharon Carter?”_

_“First of all, we’re not even supposed to know she exists, second, she’s related to Peggy. I doubt that’d be the best relationship.”_

_“Fine. Phil Coulson.”_

_“…I can see why that might be a bit of a problem.”_

Phil didn’t even look up when Tony walked into his office, didn’t even give a hint of annoyance at the fact that, once again, Tony had successfully broken through his security and entered his office. He did, however, greet him, still not removing his eyes from his paperwork. “Good evening, Mr Stark. What can I have the pleasure of helping you with today?”

God, Tony hated how his tone was dripping with sarcasm with every word he said. He just wanted to punch that smug little – but no. Coulson was, in vague terms, a friend, and friends don’t go around punching each other. “You’re in love with Steve.” He figured it would be best to just cut straight to the chase, as usual.

“No, Mr Stark. I’m not. I generally try leaving the whole ‘being in love with Captain America’ thing to you.”

Had he just…? “I-I…” Tony Stark, stunned speechless. He was just glad nobody else was there to see him. He didn’t think he’d be able to stand the laughter.

“Don’t look so surprised. It’s my job to know everything. But no need to worry, nobody else knows. Except Bruce, who you told earlier.” The agent paused for a moment, contemplating. “And Clint too, I suppose, since he’s currently hiding in the vents listening to this conversation. And if Clint knows, he’ll have texted Natasha about it by now, so… But Steve definitely doesn’t know. He’s always so oblivious like that.”

“B-but you’re not…”

“You’re also kind of oblivious.” He gave an exasperated sigh, quickly holding his left hand up for Tony to see. How on earth had he not noticed the ring before? “No, I am not in love with Steve Rogers, because I am very much in love with my partner. This conversation is over, goodbye.”

“Partner? That’s very vague, is it a-“

“- _Goodbye_ , Mr Stark.”

 

~***~

 

**Step 2) Obtain a ring**

_“I don’t see why I need a ring. Can’t I just ask him?”_

_“Do you want him to say yes?”_

_“Well duh…”_

_“Then trust me, you need a ring. It’s just common politeness.”_

Tony was stood in a Tiffany’s store, wearing a hat and sunglasses in order to try and stop people from recognising him as he entered. This wasn’t really something that he wanted to be public knowledge. Unfortunately, though, since he was inside, he was expected to take them off. The shop attendants were already glaring at him. Probably thought he was going to try and steal something.

So, off came the hat and glasses, and before he had gotten the chance to even glance in the cabinets, everyone was suddenly flocking around him, desperate to please. He picked one of the assistants, not wanting to have to go around the store with a trail of people, and told her that he was looking for a ring. She dashed off, almost immediately returning with a selection of rings to show him. They were all stunningly beautiful, this was Tiffany’s, of course, but none of them seemed like the right thing to give Steve. They were the kind of rings he would have used to propose to Pepper, had their relationship ever gone to that stage, but for Steve they all seemed wrong. Too impersonal.

Without a word, he turned away from the girl and walked out of the shop, not even thinking about disguising himself. He was pretty sure a few people snapped pictures, but he found that he didn’t particularly care. Let them gossip, after all, they would only have a few hours to do so before all evidence of the photos disappeared off the planet. Being Tony Stark was awesome.

By the time he had arrived back at the tower, Tony had already come up with a waaaaaayy better plan than just buying a ring from a shop. He had thought it over and over, done every calculation he needed to do, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with the plan. It was foolproof. All he had to do was talk to Steve.

He marched up to the soldier, completely ignoring the others in the room as he said “Steve, I need to measure your fingers.”

Bruce almost definitely groaned when he said that, and out of the corner of his eye, Tony saw him bury his face in his hands, but the time for Bruce complaining about his every action was past. Steve, however, just looked confused, so he began to elaborate. “I’m… working on a new pair of gloves for you. They’re gonna be awesome, trust me. But I need your exact finger measurements so that they fit you properly.”

“Oh, right, okay.” Steve still looked confused, but he held out his hand for Tony anyway. “Go ahead.”

Tony got a tape measure out of his pocket, because of _course_ he had a tape measure in his pocket, and carefully started measuring each of Steve’s fingers. As he did so, he (very casually) asked “Oh yeah, and is it also okay if I borrow your shield? Just… upgrades. I’ll make it lighter, etcetera, etcetera.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll just go grab it now. Are you done?”

“Yup, yes, go right ahead.” As Steve walked away, Tony quickly glanced round at Bruce, who was, at that point, doubled over in silent laughter, clapping his hands like a seal.

Much later that night, so late that it should probably technically be counted as the next morning, Tony finally leaned back in his chair, admiring his handiwork. Nestled in a box he had quickly put together out of scrap parts, were two rings, each one perfectly sized, he was sure. The first, the one that was made to fit his finger, was made of the vibranium he had taken from Steve’s shield, and it was taking all of his willpower not to slip it onto his finger right there. But he was willing to wait, it would be worth it. The second ring, made for Steve, looked slightly rougher, more battered, than his own. He had tried to polish it, but there was only so much that polishing could do. At least it had character, he supposed. And Steve would almost definitely appreciate it, the simple band crafted from carefully removed parts of the mark 1 armour.

 

~***~

 

**Step 3) Take Steve on a date**

_“A_ date _? Aren’t dates for teenagers who have nothing better to do with their lives?”_

_“Sure, but they’re also for people who plan on proposing to people.”_

_“But we’re not ‘people’, not ordinary people, anyway. Can’t I just go up to him and ask him?”_

_“As always, you lack subtlety. No, you cannot just ask him. You have to take him on a date, because that is the polite thing to do.”_

_“Jeez, what is it with you and politeness?”_

Eight o’clock. Only half an hour until the dinner reservations that Tony had made, and suddenly, he felt very nervous. He had never been nervous in his life, not properly anyway. Weird. He fiddled with his bracelets for a moment, considering not wearing them. What was the likelihood that he would need to call his suit, anyway? But he left them on anyway, just in case. Probably just his paranoia, but he felt like even thinking about that stuff would jinx his evening.

Having asked JARVIS to find Steve for him, Tony walked upstairs and went towards the sofa where Steve was sitting alone, drawing. “Get up and put some shoes on, Rogers, we’re going to a restaurant.”

“Right now? And you didn’t think to tell me in advance? I could be busy, for all you know.” Tony raised an eyebrow at that, and Steve glanced down guiltily “Okay, so I’m not technically busy. But I might have been!” And the eyebrow went up again… “Fine, fine, I’ll come. Do I need to change into something fancier?”

Tony looked Steve up and down. In his old man attire, even his casual clothes looked pretty damn formal, and the restaurant was hardly going to turn away somebody that looked as good as _Steve_ “No, you look fine. C’mon, get your shoes on. We’re running late.”

“Again, we wouldn’t be late if you had told me about this.”

“I don’t have time for your technicalities, Rogers. Let’s go.”

They eventually arrived at the restaurant, and as they sat down Tony quickly sent off a text to Pepper, asking her to make sure that any pictures of him and Steve together would have disappeared before they could become too widespread.

The pictures must have spread enough for the right, or rather _wrong_ people to see them, though, because the waiter hadn’t even brought them their menus when some wannabe supervillain came crashing through the doors. He _knew_ he shouldn’t have jinxed it. Tony and Steve glanced at each other, sharing a look that said ‘what can you do about it?’, before Tony called his suit, and Steve got to evacuating the restaurant-goers.

Once the suit had arrived, it only took the pair about fifteen minutes and no property damage (except for a broken table), to sort out the ‘villain’, although you could hardly call him that. The guy was pathetic. Not so pathetic, unfortunately, that he didn’t traumatise all the staff of the restaurant, and so one of the waiters cautiously came up to Steve and Tony to let them know that they would be closing up the restaurant early that night, and that they’re very sorry but they would appreciate it if the two did not dine there again.

Tony was stood very still, allowing the armour to disassemble itself (a function which was still in its experimental phase, but still), but he still allowed himself to say “Goddammit. Well I guess this night is ruined.”

“Tony, not that I don’t appreciate fighting random people and all, but what was this night about?”

“Hold on just one moment, okay?” Once the armour was finally off him, Tony slowly took the small box out of his pocket, shuffling awkwardly. “Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any…”

 

~***~

 

**Step 4) Actually propose to Steve**

_“Okay, so for this part you should-“_

_“Oh no no no. This bit, I think I can manage. I’ll do this without your advice, thank you very much.”_

Getting down on one knee was not something that Tony ever thought he’d do, but there he was, doing exactly that, in front of Steve. Well, he supposed, the man always did drive him to do crazy things.

As he opened up the box to reveal the rings, Steve’s eyes quickly darted between the rings and Tony, multiple times. Okay, so maybe he was a bit shocked. “Steve, it has recently come to my attention that I am in love with you. If you don’t feel the same, stop me talking at any time, but here’s the thing. I don’t want to date you. When I date people, things go wrong. It’s not pretty. I don’t want that to happen with you, so no. I don’t want to date you. But I also don’t want to not be with you, so obviously this was the most logical option.”

Steve was still looking at him, dumbfounded, and he realised what he’d forgotten to say. “Oh, right, yeah. Steven Grant Rogers, will you marry me?”

“I’m not even going to _ask_ how you know my middle name, and I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but…yes, Tony. Yes, I will marry you.”

Tony leapt up from his knees, finding himself face to face with Steve, his _fiancé_ , he couldn’t help but think with a grin. “Can I kiss you now?”

“I’d be worried if you didn’t.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what happened with this fic to be honest, I was just flicking through my fic planning notebook and I came across a few lines I had written a while ago, and a couple of hours later those lines had turned into this. I hope you didn't find it too terrible, and as always please leave comments to tell me what you think!
> 
> Also, I now have a [tumblr](http://superangsty.tumblr.com), so feel free to check it out!


End file.
